Ravi and me were chatting along on messenger when abruptly and customarily the theme changed and in some way or the other we discovered we were talking ‘shit.’ Ravi swiftly ‘googled’ and here we are with some ‘Shit Happens’ excerpts (we even reflected on co writing a book and calling it ‘Tatti Happens’) :
Hinduism:
I've seen this shit happening before.
This shit is not a religion, it is the way of life.
This shit happening is you.
Catholicism:
If shit happens, you deserved it.
You were born shit, you are shit, and you will die shit.
Islam:
We don't take any shit.
If shit happens, it is the will of Allah
Sunni Islam:
If it happens to be shit, it's Allah's will and you'd better submit!
Shi'ite happens.
Shi'ite Islam:
WE WILL DESTROY YOUR SHIT!
If shit happens, take a hostage.
Darwinism:
Survival of the shittiest.
This shit was once food.
Atheism:
I don't believe this shit!
Shit doesn't happen. Shit is dead.
No shit!
It looks and smells like shit, so I'm damned if I'm going to taste it.
I haven't smelt, seen, touched, or tasted it. But it's shit.
Agnosticism:
It looks and smells like shit, but I haven't tasted it, so I'm not sure whether its shit or not.
What is this shit?!
I don't know shit!
How can we know if shit happens?
You can't prove any of this shit!
Sikhism:
Leave our shit alone.
Jainism:
Don't step on that shit, it's alive!
When Shit happens don't step in it.
Employer:
Shit happens, and rolls down hill.
You may only shit during coffee breaks.
Employee:
I've done my shit, so can I take the day off?
This shit's not part of my contract.
Communism:
It's everybody's shit.
Let's spread the shit out equally among every one.
The Imperialists cause shit to happen, Comrade!
Marxism:
The rich shit exploits the poor shit, but deep down all shit is alike.
Dictatorship of the shit.
The workers take all the shit, but they're gonna dish it back out again.
Socialism:
The same shit happens to everyone.
Capitalism:
Shit happens, and it'll cost you!
If you're gonna sell that shit, at least make a profit.
That's MY shit.
Democracy:
Everyone has the same opportunity to make shit happen.
Republic:
We elect others to take care of shit for us.
Libertarianism:
Hands off my shit.
South Africa:
No more white shit.
Japanese:
Americans will buy all our shit.
Americanism:
Who gives a shit?
Egoism:
I am the shit!
Existentialism:
Shit doesn't happen; shit is.
Shit happening is absurd.
I shit, therefore I sit.
Einstein:
God does not shit on the universe.
Shit is Relative.
Reaction to Seeing your Mother-in-law: Relatives are Shit.
Newton:
Why did that shit fall on my head
Julius Caesar:
I came, I saw, I shitted. (veni, vidi, shitti)
Stalin:
The state treats you like shit.
Socrates:
What is shit? Why is shit?
The truly wise do not claim to know shit...
Know thy shit.
Descartes:
I think, so why am I in this shit?
I shit, therefore I am.
Sartre:
Shit is meaningless!
What is shit, anyway?
Shakespeare:
To shit or Not to shit, that is the question.
Computer Science:
There's a bug somewhere in this shittttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
Database:
Where did I put that shit?
Engineer:
I hope this shit holds together.
Economist:
I hope no one figures out that I don't really understand this shit.
Lawyer:
For a sufficient fee, I can get you out of any shit.
Psychologist:
Shit is in your mind.
Everything that happens is shit; some of it is just repressing its subconscious shittiness.
Marketing:
This shit could sell, if only it came in different colors.
More on these sites:
http://www.spunk.org/texts/humour/sp001523.html
http://www.thejaywalker.com/pages/shit_happens.html
http://aman.members.sonic.net/shit-happens.html
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